he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
