I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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