You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
