he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
