Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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