sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
