all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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