yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
