I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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