remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Congratulations! We have a period
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