My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
