He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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