i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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