Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
