I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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