We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
