I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We're too hungover to prance.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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