Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize