my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
