my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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