I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
