Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
