Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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