I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize