Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
