I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Everyone says I win the strip club
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
