I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
