Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
