We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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