Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize
