We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
