I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
