Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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