even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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