Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
