weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
