I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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