Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
