is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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