I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
is that a dick in a sweater?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
