I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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