Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
