So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize