I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
