the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
