got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
