just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
