$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
