True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
