Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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