Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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