She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
