you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
