You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
