we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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