Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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