he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Actions speak louder than pants.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
