Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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