So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
