I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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