I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
