does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize