guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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