Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
