My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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