What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
