is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
