are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
