I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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