This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
