well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
