he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
