At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
