i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this will be a night to untag.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i think i just lost a toe
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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