Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
