well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So here I am, sexting at work.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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