Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
love makes seman taste better
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
