i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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