Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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