Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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