Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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