U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
