You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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