u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
