You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
