This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
