There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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