I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
