I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
