So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
