i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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